We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
