why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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