he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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