Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
