I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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