she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
