You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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