I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
