I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
