Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
