I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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