roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
