My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i'm inner monologue high
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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