he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
