Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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