Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
not ubering you a puppy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
