isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
