Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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