she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
