what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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