we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
