Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
