I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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