I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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