How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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