So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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