If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
