yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
