I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
These tits shall not be calmed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
