dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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