Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
