I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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