i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
