the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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