My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
