I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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