I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize