Where are you?
In a non slutty way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
