i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
even my farts smell like vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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