hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
