I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
