i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
