My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
