I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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