Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
