what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
