Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
