I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
