epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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