I wish I could teleport
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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