Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I believe in your delicious
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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