the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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