i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
