I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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