so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
