before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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