so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
