Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
