So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
