Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
cat food counts as protein by the way
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize