It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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