Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize