The best revenge is premature balding
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
