On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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