One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
