babies were throwing up all over the place
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
