You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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