Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
