So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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